I’ve been feeling a bit sorry for myself the past few days. I guess it’s a little mixture of winter germs infecting my tired body, missing family and friends and realising this will be my first christmas “alone” in three years. I feel like an absolute fool for saying it (because come on, I’ve finally got everything I’ve always wanted) but I can’t help it. These sad, draining winter blues have come out in full force.
I think as well (despite already making new friends since I’ve been here), I find myself starting to feel lonely rather than just alone. I’m so used to being fully integrated into the community, knowing everything that’s happening, who’s doing it, where’s the place to be and when. Now I am this outsider, going along with my own business and then desperately trying to break my way in to that circle. My number one New Year’s Resolution is going to be to change that. I’m in Italy for Christ’s sake, I want to feel Italian. That means embracing the language, having more Italian friends, joining classes, going to see Italian films… but more on that another day.
But this isn’t going to be a post where I just moan about things that I can totally change. Nuh uh, I’m going to follow the trend and pull out my gratitude list for the week. Because come on, there’s so much more to be thankful for in life than weepy about.
1. Serial – OH MY GOD. Have you ever become so obsessed with something it is literally all you can think about? Yeah, that. I was only introduced to Serial a week ago (yet somehow found the time to bring myself up to speed ready for today’s finale) but I can honestly say it has taken over my life. I narrate everything in Sarah Koenig’s voice, I am constantly running through every single possibility in my mind, I research the case outside of the podcast. I mean, I can’t even… did he do it? Is he innocent? I DON’T THINK WE’LL EVER KNOW! But for real, walking around Florence with my headphones in listening to this intoxicating story is just the best ever thing.
2. Good food and the absence of men – Yeah, these two have to go hand in hand. As y’all have worked out by now, I am loving the food here. Love love loving it. I’ve never eaten so much in my whole life and I just don’t even care. When something tastes so damn good, how can you limit yourself? Luckily, I have no one to impress and my wardrobe pretty much consists of shift dresses and baggy jumpers SO who cares if there’s a bit more cushion for the pushin?
3. My job – I count myself lucky every single day that I have come here and secured the job that I have. I was always intending on coming here just to teach, but then I saw this job and it just encompassed everything I love in life. It’s exciting, I am so incredibly supported and it is teaching me so much.
4. Fleur – Fleur and I have only been friends for about a year… maybe a little longer if you include the press nights I used to go to before I started at WNO. But she gets me. She really, really gets me. And I get her. No matter what the other person is going through, the other person will be feeling it too. I can email her something ridiculous like “Ah I just don’t know, I’ve been feeling kinda like… I can’t explain. But it’s making me like… oh I don’t know” and she’ll reply “OH MY GOD ME TOO!” Fleur makes me want to be a better person. We encourage the best in one another, and I think we guide eachother to the people we really, really want to be. I’ve told her things I’ve never really admitted to myself, sent her work that I’d always been too scared to write. Basically, if she was a man I would TOTALLY marry her (sorry if that’s kinda weird Fleur).
5. I am being reunited with my family in a week – This one’s funny really. Back “home” I would be away from my family for months at a time… and I’d always be excited to see them, sure. But actually, I’ve only been away for three weeks (four when I get home… ish). But jesus, I can’t wait to see them. And I’ll be home for two weeks… that’s like the most time i’ve been home in years! Plus it’s the perfect amount of time to cwtch up with all my home comforts before feeling ready to come back and totally throw myself back into the Italian Life.
Yeah. There’s a lot to be thankful for.