A day in the life of a hungover beast.

7:00am – I feel absolutely fantastic. Amber – 1 Hangover – 0.  Best go get some food.

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7:05am – Oh shit.  Fridge is empty.  Okay, a bowl of sweet corn will do for now.

7:15am – Still feeling fabulous.  I wonder what’s on Netflix?

7:20am – The Bratz Movie?  BEST IDEA EVER.

7:25am – I immediately regret this decision.

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7:30am – It’s so bad I just can’t look away.

9:00am – So for some reason I’m sat here crying my eyes out at this god forsaken film.  Who am I? What am I? I don’t know what to believe anymore.

9:10am – Oh fuck, here comes the hangover.  Best order some pizza.

9:15am – WHAT?! DOMINOS DOESN’T DELIVER UNTIL 10AM?!?! I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO DIE FROM HUNGER.

9:30am – *shaking and weeping in a corner*

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9:45am – I don’t think I’ve ever been so hungry in all my life.  I honestly think this is the way it ends.  No pain will ever compare to this.

10:00am – JACKPOT MOTHER FUCKAZ!!!!!!!! CARBSONCARBSONCARBSONCARBS.

10:10am – Do I want garlic bread and wedges on the side? DOES A BEAR SHIT IN THE WOODS?!

10:15am – And now we wait.  Maybe I’ll have a little nap.

10:40am – *wakes up in a cold sweat and smelling of the worst creature ever as the doorbell rings.  This is also the moment you realise you are wearing nothing but last night’s eyelashes and resemble the Joker from Batman.  That’s cute*

10:50am – THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT IN ALL MY LIFE!  I can’t even carry all this food in one go, SO MANY TASTY TREATS!

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10:55am – *one bite later* I think I have made a huge mistake.

11:00am – Maybe I’ll just leave this on my bed for a while and have another little nap.

11:45am – *wakes up to the incessant vibrate of phone*

11:50am – “You have been tagged in 31 photos” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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12:10pm – I don’t know who these people are, but all I know is I feel shame *untag x 1,000,000*

12:20pm – *more sleep*

1:00pm – I think it’s time for cold pizza and soggy garlic bread.  And hey, who cares if the sauce drips all over my sheets? It’s a little too late for class.

1:30pm – I can’t believe I just devoured two pizzas, a garlic pizza bread, chicken wings and a box of wedges.  More to the point, I can’t believe how proud I am.

2:00pm – Why is this hangover getting worse and worse? It feels like someone is stabbing the inside of my skull with a rusty sledgehammer.  WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?!

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2:30pm – I’m not sure I’m ever going to leave this bed.  I’m just going to waste away in my own filth and vile aroma.  And I don’t even care.

2:45pm – I probably should brush my teeth at least.  I can actually feel the fur.

2:50pm – Standing up was a bad, bad idea.

3:00pm – WHY IS MY VOMIT BLACK?! WHAT DID I DRINK LAST NIGHT?!

3:30pm – I guess I should check my bag, ya know, see if I’ve got any money left over for more food.

3:40pm – Oh great, it’s full of receipts.  Looks like someone got a bit card happy last night!

3:45pm- I’m never looking at my bank balance again. FML.

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4:00pm – I should probably get dressed and go outside.  OMG, THERE’S ANOTHER SERIES OF RU PAUL ON NETFLIX.  IT’S DESTINY!

7:00pm – Did I actually just watch three hours of Ru Paul without moving a muscle?  I need to be put down.  I am an awful human being.

7:10pm – Seriously, why is this hangover trying to kill me?! I am sinking further and further into a pit of self destruction and I’m never going to come out of it.

7:20pm – Is it an acceptable time to go to bed yet? No? Okay, I’m going to order a Chinese.

7:30pm – 60 MINUTE WAIT?!?! What in God’s name am I supposed to do for 60 minutes?

7:35pm – Well, I guess I’ve got no other choice… HELLO RU PAUL AGAIN.

8:00pm – What?! Why am I still being tagged in photos? Why would the club photographer put up such a crime against humanity?

8:05pm – SERIOUSLY, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THE HOLDING ME UP IN A QUEEN’S THRONE LIFT?

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8:10pm – I honestly think I’m going to delete my Facebook.  I can’t handle the shame reminders.  Maybe if I disappear for a few days it will all be forgotten.

8:45pm – Fuck, I’ve not washed all day.  I don’t even think I’ve brushed my teeth.  I need help. Serious, medical help.

9:00pm – D’you know what, I actually think I could go out again. In fact, a gin and tonic is exactly what I need right now.

9:05pm – *frantically texts everyone to see who’s going out*

9:20pm – *no replies*

9:25pm – FINE DIDN’T WANT TO GO OUT AGAIN ANYWAY! *returns to Ru Paul whilst picking at cold Chinese*

10:00pm – Okay, it’s officially acceptable to go to bed (lol jk been in bed all day). Please God, let me wake up and find out this was all a dream.

Big love,

BB x

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2 thoughts on “A day in the life of a hungover beast.

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