I pride myself on my obscene levels of sassiness; I mean, “sassy” may as well be my middle name. I have absolutely no reason to be, yet I find myself stomping through life channelling my inner Queen B combined with a Drag Queen demeanour.
There’s a whole list of people I blame for this. Ru Paul, all 90s girl bands, my delightfully mental girlfriends…
But above all, I blame Disney.
I blame Disney for my constant desire to be the centre of attention and my
totally messed up belief that I am meant to be a princess. Cheers Walt.
I mean, come on. Those princesses. DAMN. They got it going awwwwwn. They always get what they want and they always look damn fabulous whilst doing it. Sure, the old girls relied a bit too much on the princes for my liking, but enter the noughties and those girls are doing it fo’ themselvez!
So because I love a good list and get giddy at any opportunity to talk about Disney, here’s my top Disney ladies ranking from ten to one in pure sassiness. YOU GO GETTUM GURLZ!
Merida doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks. That crazy redhead knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it. She sticks two fingers up to society… you can’t hold this lil lady down, nuh uh! Men? PAH, BOTHERED! And okay, it kind of was a bit douchey that she poisoned her Mam, but she totes saved the day with that and grew closer to her family as a consequence. Awwwww.
Some call it GBH, I call it KICKING ASS. Punzey sure knows how to wield a frying pan. I mean, who else could repeatedly whack a hottie round the head with a piece of metal and STILL have them fall in love with her? I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. #DEMSKILLZ
Wherever Belle goes, the people stare. Okay, maybe it’s because they think she’s all messed up and stuff because she loves reading and her Dad’s a bit cray, but whatever. I LOVE HER. When she flicks that little lock of hair out of her face, when she sticks it to Gaston where it hurts. Here’s a girl who refuses to conform to social norms and knows that beauty is only skin deep. *Sigh* I wish I was her.
Come on. Who hasn’t looked at Ariel and thought DAMN?! Any girl who can pull of a fish tail and a shell bra is pretty high up in the sass stakes with me. And dat huuuur. So fiery and flowing, looking beaute even though she’s underwater. However, she totes needs to stop obsessing over Eric. He’s a perv and she looks needy.
I CAN’T EVEN CONTAIN MY LOVE OF THIS INCREDIBLE LADY. When she pulls her hair into that beautiful plait, when she transforms from dowdy queen to sexy mama… Can’t. Handle. It. I have never seen a Disney lady walk with such purpose and fire in her eyes. MOVE OUTTA THE WAY FELLAZ, YOU AIN’T GOT SHIT ON THIS HUNNAY!
The first Disney gal to actually work her way to the top. Enter a fierce business woman who don’t need a man to make her happy (okay, she does get with Prince Naveen in the end but it takes hell of a lotta woeing. Anyway, even independent women need a bitta lovin’ now and again).
Respect to ma girl; she ain’t go sell her body to no one, even if it does mean getting burnt at the stake. Frollo is an absolute demon, and she still stands up to him. I spent most of my primary life skipping around the playground pretending to be a gypsy because of her, FACT. Plus, that girl can wuuuuuurk a pole.
Queen of Shade – say no more. Meg’s so sassy even the son of a God wants her. And she 100% invented the side fringe
just saying. And that bod… HOUR GLASS ALERT.
SHE HAS A TIGER AND WEARS A CROP TOP 24-7. And the way she disrespects all that wannabe royalty. NO WAY JOSE, JAZ AIN’T SETTLING FOR JUST ANY PRINCE. Let’s not forget her tantrum as she shouted “I am not a prize to be won!” No you are not Jaz, you tell ’em!
Two words – THOSE EYES. Poor Simba, he really didn’t stand a chance. Absolute minx.
What do you think? Have I missed anyone out?