As I innocently strolled to B and M today for my Saturday night fix of cheap wine, frozen cocktails and hangover goodies, I had a sudden realisation. Every single person driving and walking past was staring at me with utter confusion and, in some cases, terror. Why? Am I really that frightening to look at?
I’ll tell you for why. Because I was sporting a head full of bright pink rollers. And let me just throw that out there, to me that is totally normal. I mean, who’s going to be the one laughing when I’ve got the bounciest hair in Cardiff?!
But apparently that just isn’t acceptable behaviour. People frown upon a girl in an over-sized red checked shirt, overwhelming tan and fluorescent horns sprouting out of her head.
So it got me thinking… and it got me questioning every aspect of my life. See, I look at these people with their mouths hanging open in disbelief and think, “hey, I know who the crazy one is, it’s the person who’s never going to know the beauty of Beyonce-esque hair” but maybe, just maybe… the bonkers one is me?
And after careful consideration, I have been able to pin point a select few examples of this inner madness. The top 5 reasons why I am, in fact, not a normal human being.
1) It’s not normal to reenact The Little Mermaid in the shower
No matter what, every single time I shower I recreate scenes from The Little Mermaid. These normally start off with a full recital of Part of your World, complete with gestures and facial expressions, followed by the classic Ariel hair flick, and then occasionally a jovial rendition of Under the Sea (of course in a Jamaican accent). I can only apologise to my housemates; but it really is my favourite time of the day.
2) It’s not normal to plan your weekly activities around when you’re going to eat
Whenever I am invited to something, even if it is the most exciting event known to man, the VERY first thought that pops into my head is “but when am I going to eat?” I have actually declined invitations before because there didn’t seem to be an adequate amount of time to eat. It’s worrying how obsessed I am with food time, and definitely to blame for the growing bulge that is my stomach. Ergh, thanks for that life.
3) It’s not normal to pretend you’re in a music video the second your house is empty
I’m 22 for the love of god, not 12! But alas, whenever the girls have all left the house I whack on a Whitney megamix and stomp around like I own the place. Picture swinging down the banister, throwing doors open dramatically, whipping my hair so much Willow would be ashamed. If anyone EVER happened to walk in on it… well, let’s just say I’d be buying a one way ticket to Oz. Seeyalaterbye.
4) It’s not normal to fancy animated animals
Sorry, but I think Simba is an absolute babe. Like, I totally would. And Dodger from Oliver and company? DAMN THAT BRO’S GOT THE GOODS. Yet the more I tell people this, the less people want to have anything to do with me. *sigh*
5) It’s not normal to answer most questions through song – especially at work
This one I totally blame on my clinically diagnosed Disneyaholicism. All I want in life is to live through a glorious musical. Imagine how much happier we would all be! Frollicking along to the blissful sound of birds singing about how beautiful you look, strangers lifting you on their shoulders as you blast out sweet sweet lyrics about how excited you are for the day ahead. WHY IS THIS NOT MY LIFE?! The reality is me singing my answer to about 60% of questions is just a tad weird and annoying. But whatevs, I friggin love it.