I’ve got a bit of a confession to make. I absolutely love Snapchat. And I’m gonna just throw this out there… I think it could be the greatest social media invention to date.
Okay, that might be a tad dramatic, but it is friggin hilarious. Snapchat is the perfect tool for procrastination, flanter (*cough cough* flirty banter *cough cough*), testing the limits of friendship and general jokes.
Oh, it has its problems. Oh HELL it has its problems. There’s the boring, do I look like a give a F**k snaps, the OH MY WORD THAT IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN snaps and of course, the Jesus Christ, is that even real snaps.
So I thought I’d put the top seven snaps I see into a little diary for y’all. And if you are yet to join the world of Snapchat, do so with caution. See this as your seven step warning. You’re welcome.
I fear that this one actually says a lot more about me and my friends than the concept of Snapchat. On a daily – sorry, hourly – basis, I receive frequent snaps of my friends in various disgusting situations. I’d like to think it’s become a bit of a competition… who can out gross the other. It started fairly tame… toilet selfies, hungover shots that would terrify even the strongest of men… oh, but how it progressed. The tip of the iceberg had to be when a friend snapped me a picture of the inside of a toilet after what appeared to be an atomic bomb of the excretory variety. Thanks for that, babe.
Very rarely, Snapchat will be kind to us. Emphasis on the word rarely. Every once in a blue moon you’ll receive a snap of a tall, dark handsome stranger. In those precious five seconds you’ll have planned your wedding, your baby names and scouted out matching dressing gowns for you both. But alas, off he disappears into cyberspace, never to be seen again. But we’ll always have the memories. RIP Ryan Gosling lookalike #alwaysinmyheart.
These. These I despise. It’s that absolute toss pot that feels the need to snap you while he/she’s in the gym, flexin’ dem muscles, showin’ dere fanz wot dey iz missin’ out on. I actually had one guy recently snap me a video of him narrating a journey across his muscles. Genuine. Said w***er also snaps regular videos of him in pedo vests shouting about how delightfully ripped he is. YES, WE GET IT. YOU COULD GRATE CHEESE ON THOSE ABS. Doesn’t mean I want five snaps a day of it.
Give a f**k Thursdays
These are the snappers renowned for their highly insightful, stimulating, visually enriching snaps. LOL JK, these are the guys who feel the need to snap everything and anything. Aka, the guy who snaps me every single morning with the time and a picture of him with his hand over his face. I DON’T CARE, JUST STOP. WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO ACHIEVE?! Or the ones who snap a deadpan selfie with the simple and snappy, “Hi.” With a full stop. I despair.
Luckily these don’t happen quite as much. But once, I had the most terrifying, stalker snap ev-uh. A guy snapped me a photo of my old flat and the line “Can’t wait to move here when I get back from travels :)”. WHUT?! Who is this guy and why is he following my every move p
s it could have simply been a coincidence?! I actually once had someone snap me a photo of one of my blog articles. That. Was. Freaky.
HELLO HI. We all know them. You’re sat at your desk, minding your own business, when BANG. There’s a stranger’s willy just staring at you. Aside from that being f***ing disgusting, it really isn’t appropriate when you’re in a professional setting. More to the point, WHAT ARE YOU DOING SNAPPING PHOTOS OF YOUR PP AT 2PM ON A WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON? This is something I never, ever want to see. Never. Ever ever ever. EVER.
It wouldn’t be a gif list without a reference to my soul sistah, Ru Paul. My personal favourite type of snap is the lip sync. In fact, it’s pretty much the only snap I ever do. For me, an evening isn’t complete without a 10 second lip sync to a Whitney classic, or a dutty grind to Queen B. And the fact that I clearly do think I’m going to be the next big thing means that these snaps are done with the utmost enthusiasm and dedication. Once I even went so far (when lip syncing to Part of your World) as to draw beautiful red locks, a shell bra and a tail on my video snap. You’re welcome, world.
What about you? Are there any you’d add to the list?