I have a big problem with this saying. Don’t get me wrong, I love music; I enjoy nothing more than belting out a divalicious classic, or drinking a cider with a nice bit of reggae. My Itunes is probably the most hectic list of randomness you’ll ever come across, with everything from Johnny Cash to The Little Mermaid, Destiny’s Child to UB40. A mixture of growing up with the coolest Dad around (absolute legend), a chronic Disney obsession and a family full of sassy ladies has meant my taste is pretty eclectic.
And that’s great, marvellous, hoorah. Except when music decides to be the demon of all demons.
We’ve all been there; whenever we’re going through a
break up rough patch, every single song that has ever existed SOMEHOW relates to your situation. Which is hilarious, really. It’s that moment when even Taylor Swift can sink you into a pit of despair, One Direction leave you wistfully staring out of a rain splattered window and John Mayer has you curled up in a ball of insanity.
Okay, a bit dramatic
I never did any of these things, but music really does make a bad situation a million-effing-times worse. As a dear friend told me: “Music is not the food of love, food is the food of love.” And there’s never been a truer word said.
Therefore I have decided to create my top playlist for every stage of a break up; aka, the fattest ever cliché you’ll read today. Enjoy.
Total Devastation – Nothing compares to you Sinead O’Connor
The deal breaker – Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling, Tell me baby where did I go wrong?
You’ve got to love Sinead. The poignant simplicity of the music video, that heart wrenching tear at the end… This song is the absolute corker for crying yourself into oblivion in the immediate stages of a break up. Normally accompanied by snotty, slobbering singing alongside.
Depression Session – All by myself Celine Dion
The deal breaker – Don’t wanna live all by myself ANYMORE!
Bridget Jones – say no more. Once the devastation has subsided, along comes the monotonous days of “F**k my f**king life, what now?” This particular phase is joined by many glasses of wine, disregard for makeup and the use of a hairbrush and an unhealthy obsession with Netflix.
Fuck you – the aptly named Fuck You Cee lo Green
The deal breaker – And although there’s pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a… “Fuck you!”
Once you realise that, actually, he isn’t worth your tears, the phase of Fuck you rears its angry head. Largely made up of pent up rage, bulshy behavior and 24/7 bitching, this feels like the final stage. But no my friend, sit tight, the best is yet to come.
Acceptance – Slow dancing in a burning room John Mayer
The light bulb moment. Here’s the stage when you can finally look at the break up with feelings other than total confusion. Finally, it all makes sense. Now is the time to go out and make some sort of fabulous change in your life. Carpe diem.
Loving yourself – Irreplaceable Beyonce
The deal breaker – You must not know ‘bout me, I could have another you in a minute, matter fact he’ll be here in a minute
The. Best. Moment. Ever. It’s that final stage when you realise, actually, I’m fucking awesome. If Queen B can do it, hell yeah I can do it! Go out. Be a total diva. Make the most of having no strings, no responsibilities… unleash your inner princess.